Although I could be referring to my natural lack of grace, I'm actually alluding to the fact I find it impossible to equally balance out my life. At the moment I'm doing well socially and personally, but financially and workwise I'm totally screwing up. Okay. That's not true, financially I am getting sorted, slowly. But since I moved out work has totally gone down the pan.
There's no reason for it to, because it's so easy. My job isn't challenging particularly. I can run the office fine, I run a really tight ship (well, there's only 8 of them to worry about, to be fair.) I reward my excellence my dipping into petty cash when I need to and stealing stationery. I'm good at the adminstration stuff, even if it is a little boring and my procrastination tends to make simple jobs last all day.
But I'm rubbish at the sales aspect. I said in my interview I wanted to move out of telesales and into a more supportive role (at which point my boss said 'er, but this job is telesales' and I thought I'd screwed it so just sat there and had a chat instead. For weeks I thought this informal attitude is how I got the job, until I found all the other applicants CVs and saw I'd asked for five grand less than anyone else. Thickie!) Now they are trying to push me more towards sales and giving me more responsibility I feel completely out of my depth. Perhaps it's because I haven't come from an I.T. background, I find a lot of the technical stuff baffling, even tho I'm expected to find out specs etc from the leads. I can sort of guess they're givng me more stuff so they can justify giving me a raise, but I could go and work somewhere else, doing the same thing, and earn a lot more. Five grand more, in fact.
I don't want to work anywhere else tho, I love this office and I would feel guilty if I left. I went and had a chat with my boss, panicking because I haven't really made an effort to follow up any leads since Christmas, and he was very understanding and nice. Which just makes me feel worse because I feel like I'm losing them money. I don't even mind making the calls, I do think our product is useful and benefits people - not like when I was flogging kitchens and office furniture - and they're qualified leads, they've come to us, so why am I having such a problem with it? I need to knuckle down and stop whinging I guess. And leave 20six alone.
If only I could work out what I really wanted to do with my life. My original plan's been somewhat scuppered. Or at least set back 10 years, if not more. I'll stay here for another 6 months or so - I do want to stay in a job for over a year (I've been here since April) but then I'd kinda like to start looking around. But what for what job? I know I like reading, and that I can string a sentence together. I can use a computer and the interweb pretty well. I know I'm a quick learner if I'm learning something I'm interested in. I like giving presentations etc, but I don't like dealing with The Public. I like being left to my own devices. So I just need to think of a job that incorporates all the above. Plus flexitime. In Reading. Or Slough, possibly, I guess.
Ain't gonna happen, is it?
