(Sorry T(e)BS, I know he's your brother. But sometimes...)
The (ex)Boyf rang me last night. At half past two in the morning. To tell me I owed money to our old landlord.
So. Hm. Do I? I'm not sure. We were still behind on rent when I left, but as I was the only one making any effort to make any sort of payments (he wasn't working, so he couldn't) I kind of feel a bit jaded I might be liable from, say, September til November.
Stupid, stupid me didn't take my name off the tenancy agreement when I scarpered - I'm pretty sure I didn't get any post delivered to me when I was at lovely, lovely Dazza's, and now I'm renting off Andy I'm actually in an illegal sublet where I only pay him cash. There's no record of it. I think my payslips show I've been there since New Year, but I didn't get my other post switched over til at least February time.
I've spoken to my FD here, and she's up in arms - has told me not to budge an inch and certainly not to pay anything. I know she's right, but I still can't help feeling guilty.
Anyway, that's not the point. The point is about 5 minutes into the phone call I was reduced to a sobbing mess. He said 'oh, that's it, turn on the waterworks, why don't you?' I can't even remember the last time I cried like that. Oh wait, yes I can, it was when he came round my house and said he was going to kill himself. So there I was, sniffling and saying 'call me back when you're sober' and him saying 'I am sober' (yeah, and how many sober people feel the need to point out they're not drunk) and I thought, did I really feel like this for so long? I remember saying I knew I still loved him cos whenever I went to meet him my heart would be banging against my ribs. Now I know why. Cos I was scared. It wasn't love, it was just ... adrenaline. Not knowing if we were gonna have a fight or not. Always feeling angry and tearful. That's not his fault, I was like that when he found me, through my own bad decisions and lifestyle, but I could have got better, quicker if I'd just had a bit of support, instead of having to be the one doing all the supporting.
Finally I got him off the phone, and I called e_b and he talked sleepy nonsense at me until I was all settled down. Talking to e_b feels like being tickled. Talking to The (ex)Boyf makes me feel like I'm being kicked in the head. Repeatedly.
I'm off out tonight, and I'd planned to get up dead early, wash my hair, etc but I was so tired after all that I couldn't be arsed. Couldn't get back to sleep properly, kept nightmaring. Apologies anyone I might be seeing tonight. I look like hell.
I won't let him ruin my holiday.
Heard Country House on the radio this morning and was reminded of our karaoke shenanigans. Got into the office early (brownie points) and realised it was my Year Anniversary. Sent out an email to everyone saying how brill they were, and how much I'd appreciated a stable environment etc (not for brownie points, actually true.) Then logged onto 20six to be presented with this:
Soapy Yank
Consider me cheered up.
It's the simple things...
